Emilie.

this week is going to be soooooo long! 45 hr week at work. riding every day and training for my horse show. on top of that i need to plan something for my 20th birthday! going to spend it with some great people! :) going to try to set up a party for my friends and then family stuff with mom and wyatt and spending time with brenden and ayden on june 1st!! :) really enjoying life right now! could not be better!!! <3 

I need to start thinking about me. not my friends or matt or my family but me. im not going to sit around and wait for things to get better. if they dont get better then thats just how it s going to be. i have new friends and new family. im not going to wait for someone to make up their mind. whats funny people would think i would be mad at leah but im not. she is who she is and i just dont care what she does to herself anymore. i need to care about me. and my relationship with the love of my life. no more worrying about other people. just me :) and leah might be mad if she reads this. but its just me saying im done caring for her as if she was a family member. its just going to be as friends. a friend that does not have an opinion anymore. i have other things to worry about in my life. so if you are mad leah im sorry. but that is how it is.

Someday I would just like someone to ask me to do something once n awhile. i hate always being the one to plan things…its like have no friends….

everything didnt work out.

pretty sure that i had a psycho breakdown and freaked out on a guy friend and  think i pretty much killed the friendship…i had a anxiety breakdown…turns out i have sever Anxiety OCD. and i think him not texting me sent me over the edge. with my new job and no sleep i think i finally broke down. i hope everything turns up all right. Matt told me not to be a grl. and what did i do. i acted like a girl. ugh.

So today was knd of boring i worked from 930 to 230…BORING AS FUCK! lol and now im just kind of chilling at home waiting for Leah and her slow ass :p

Later most likely going to Jakes bonfire thing for his friend. So ready for a fun night out!! :)